As tears move slowly down my cheek and onto my keyboard, I sit here wishing that the tiny water droplets could type my words. Surely they could express my feelings better than my fingers. However, as I ponder that, I realize how appropriate it is that my feelings are typed with my fingers. They are the extension of the hands that have lovingly wiped away tears, given countless hugs, and cleaned dirty little faces. Hands that have loved two precious children who do not belong to me, but I have loved as if they were my own. Hands that are connected to a heart that loves so deeply that pain is an inevitability. Now, that inevitable pain is becoming a reality.
This year has been a year of really high highs and really low lows. In 2012, I saw my chronically ill mother-in-law pass away, my first cousin die a horrifically tragic death, and my sweet daddy suffer a massive heart attack. 2012 has also seen much happiness. Little Hunk came to stay with our family in January, and my dad has made a miraculously amazing recovery! Something for which I am deeply thankful. I am also thankful for the wonderful time that I have been able to spend with my family. We had an incredible vacation up the east coast to Washington, DC and Wildwood, NJ. Honestly, the sadness has made the sweet, simple times just that much sweeter.
So, now we are facing another low moment. All indications are pointing towards our little Tink going home to be with her grandparents. The hearing is tomorrow and if the judge signs off, we will take her to settle into her new home on Thursday evening. Thankfully, she is going to be very much loved and very well taken care of. However, my heart breaks for us. Tink has been with us for a little over 15 months now. Long enough that it's hard to remember what it was like without her. She has brought so much love and joy into our home, and I hope that we have been able to give her even half of what she has given to us. Our lives have been blessed by her presence. For her, I would go through the pain of her loss everyday if I knew that it could make a positive difference in her life. However, I will move forward with joy in my heart with the knowledge that I was blessed to be her mommy if even for just a short while. My prayer is that our love will go with her throughout her life.
There is a part of our hearts that only you will hold little Tink! We love you our precious little one. Your life will make a beautiful difference in this world....it already has! God Bless.
