Tink's Rainbow

 

A picture of Tink's Rainbow

Well, as of my last post, we knew that it was an inevitability that our Little Tink was going to be leaving us. It has now been 3 months and 5 days since she went home to live with her grandparents, and I am finally in a place where I feel as though I can write about it.  I am going to be "real" about my emotions and the physical toll that it took on me. I hope that it isnt discouraging to people who are thinking of becoming foster parents, but a true reflection of the depth of the love that is felt for these precious children and the beauty of God's love for us.

Remember that Tink was placed with us the day before she was 5 months and stayed until she was 21 months. Even though we knew that she would be leaving, nothing could totally prepare me for the reaction that I would have when we got word that the judge had signed the order for her to be released from foster care into the custody of her family.  Now, I consider myself to be a pretty strong person. I'm not an overly emotional woman and I am usually pretty even-keeled.  On this particular day, I was ANYTHING BUT!!!! I turned into a total mess. Water works, snot, massive headache, vomit....you name it!! I couldn't believe that I had lost all control of myself, and I literaly felt like someone had died. This beautiful, precious child that I had loved as my own would no longer be with me everyday. I would no longer tuck her in at night or get her dressed in the morning or be there when she got a boo boo. Her grandparents had told us that they wanted us to continue to be a part of her life, but how often would we be able to see her? Would they follow through on their promise? I was in gut-wrenching pain, crying out to God for answers.

Rewind now to the last two decades of my life. I am terribly imperfect. I make horrible mistakes every day (especially when it comes to parenting), but I know that God has been ever-present and always my comfort in times of need.Over these years, I have had several family members that have passed away, and with three of those deaths, within minutes to hours of their passing, a rainbow has appeared in the sky. Now some of you may not believe me, or think it's a bunch of hooha, or say that it's a coincidence, but I know that it is God comforting me and letting me know that we are all in His hands.

Now, I have told you all of this to say that as I was in the middle of crying and grieving, my sweet friend Courtney, who is also a foster parent, sent me a text to look up into the sky. There was a rainbow, and she wanted to let me know because she believed it was for Tink. So I look out of my window, and there it is! God in all of his glory, once again reminding me that we are in His hands. Tink is in HIS hands!!! That day, God met me where I was...grieving, scared, uncertain, sad, and He was there, and He cared.

I made the most of the next two days with Tink.  I spent every second that I could with her. I hugged her, kissed her, smelled her, and tried to take it all in. When the day for her to leave finally came, I was at peace. However, I knew that the worst part was going to be watching Ballerina Girl and Goosey say goodbye. Watching them grieve was worse than anything I had experienced up to that point. As their mommy, I wanted to take it all away, but from a different perspective, I saw the beauty in it. My two sweet little girls could have been resentful of this little baby who invaded their home and took up a lot of their mommy and daddy's time, and they could have been happy to see her go. Instead, I saw the depth of the love that they have for her and the worry and concern that they felt for her. All of their dry erase boards and mirrors became places to write messages of love and loss to our sweet Tink.  My beautiful parents came over to dry the girls' tears as O and I left to take Tink to her new home.

As we pulled up to her grandparents home, we took in all of the boxes that carried her clothes, toys, and pictures that we had taken with her (hoping that the pictures would remind her of how much we love her). We carried her in and she started playing and running around like she owned the place. (She was very familiar with the surroundings because of the visits that she had with her family on a regular basis).  We gave hugs to everyone and we all shed a few little tears. O and I then walked out of the door, and it was well with our soul.

In the three months since then, we see Tink on an average of every two weeks.  We visit her, she visits us and sometimes we do lunch.  The kids are always so happy to see one another, and they pick up right where they left off.  Ballerina Girl and Goosey are doing fine, and so is our foster son, Little Hunk.  He will be two in a couple of months, so he is really keeping me on my toes, and he is into EVERYTHING!!!!

Life continues, and I am thankful everyday for this crazy, insane, beautiful life that I have. No matter what tomorrow brings, I know that God is always showing me His rainbows.  It doesn't always have to be the ones that He hangs in the sky... it could be the smiles on my kids' faces or the touch of my husband's hand. He is always there to show me His love and comfort me.

Blessings to all who read this!!!!

Tears are falling...

As tears move slowly down my cheek and onto my keyboard, I sit here wishing that the tiny water droplets could type my words. Surely they could express my feelings better than my fingers. However, as I ponder that, I realize how appropriate it is that my feelings are typed with my fingers. They are the extension of the hands that have lovingly wiped away tears, given countless hugs, and cleaned dirty little faces.  Hands that have loved two precious children who do not belong to me, but I have loved as if they were my own. Hands that are connected to a heart that loves so deeply that pain is an inevitability. Now, that inevitable pain is becoming a reality. 

This year has been a year of really high highs and really low lows.  In 2012, I saw my chronically ill mother-in-law pass away,  my first cousin die a horrifically tragic death, and my sweet daddy suffer a massive heart attack. 2012 has also seen much happiness. Little Hunk came to stay with our family in January, and my dad has made a miraculously amazing recovery! Something for which I am deeply thankful.  I am also thankful for the wonderful time that I have been able to spend with my family. We had an incredible vacation up the east coast to Washington, DC and Wildwood, NJ. Honestly, the sadness has made the sweet, simple times just that much sweeter.

So, now we are facing another low moment. All indications are pointing towards our little Tink going home to be with her grandparents. The hearing is tomorrow and if the judge signs off, we will take her to settle into her new home on Thursday evening. Thankfully, she is going to be very much loved and very well taken care of. However, my heart breaks for us. Tink has been with us for a little over 15 months now. Long enough that it's hard to remember what it was like without her. She has brought so much love and joy into our home, and I hope that we have been able to give her even half of what she has given to us. Our lives have been blessed by her presence. For her, I would go through the pain of her loss everyday if I knew that it could make a positive difference in her life. However, I will move forward with  joy in my heart with the knowledge that I was blessed to be her mommy if even for just a short while. My prayer is that our love will go with her throughout her life.

There is a part of our hearts that only you will hold little Tink! We love you our precious little one. Your life will make a beautiful difference in this world....it already has! God Bless.

A Twibling Conspiracy: Outnumbered and Outsmarted by 2 Mini Escapees

Today, this must be a quick post.  If I turn my head for too long, all heck is bound to break loose.  I have exactly 3.5 minutes to type this before the twiblings finish their bottles....then, its every man for himself.  Something must be in the water today-2 toddlers and 2 great escapes.

I begin with Tink.  Remember the fenced in play yard that was covered in poopy on my last post? Well, Tink has learned to climb it and escape today. I had gone upstairs to change Hunk's diaper while Tink was happily and quietly playing. Upon my return, I find her on the arm of the sofa.  I rush quickly to scoop her up so she doesn't fall to the floor.  What's next? Her baby bed in the middle of the night? And so, a new chapter begins for Tink.....

So, after the first escape, both babies were put down for a nap.  It was a great one! They both slept for about two hours.  All of a sudden, I hear Hunk crying and he's really upset. So, I go in to get him up, and when I open the door, I find that he is COMPLETELY NAKED!!! Now, let me set the stage for this clothing escape.  The child had on a full body, zip-up footed sleeper, and to boot, there is a little flap that snaps over the zipper. So, this 11 MONTH OLD child has now learned how to unsnap, unzip, undress and undo the velcro on his diaper. Luckily there was no peepee or poopy this time, but WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????  I definitely have my work cut out for me.

Oops.....better go! Now they are squeezing the nipples on their bottles so the milk will spray all over the room!! I tell ya....they're trying to break me down!!! It only gets easier from here.....right? ;-)

The Mommy Meltdown and A Poopy Extravaganza

So, Spring Break was ANYTHING BUT a break! Don't get me wrong, we had a great time. My whole family went to the beach to celebrate my moms birthday, which was a lot of fun. We also went to the zoo and a local recreation facility. However, when it was over, I was in a state of pure exhaustion. You know, ladies,  the point of exhaustion where you just burst into tears. Yes, that was me. Case in point...

It was the last Sunday before the kids were to go back to school. Ballerina girl has an upcoming birthday, and my mom wanted to take her clothes shopping. So, we decided that I would meet her halfway between our two houses. Just to get the babies out, I decided I would load them in the van to go along for the ride. The drop off went well, and I was headed home in my exhausted, "zombie-fied" state. I was driving along, listening to music, and I look up, only to see flashing blue lights in my rear view mirror. Crap!!!! Not that it makes it right, but I got pulled over on a local road where the speed limit drops 20mph in a span of half a mile. I obviously didn't slow down enough.

As the officer approaches my car, I begin feeling really sorry for myself. Poor me!! I just want to go home and rest! "Ma'am, are you alone in the car," he asked. I respond, "No sir, I have two babies in the back." He continues up to my window. At this point, I was ok, until the officer began speaking to me in a belittling tone. My exhaustion begins to take over, and I start shaking and crying a bit. Not only is he pulling me over for going too fast, but when he ran my tag, it came back as expired! Well, I knew that this wasn't right, and I lean over to get my registration after he asks to see it.  I was shaking so badly, that I think the officer began to feel sorry for me. So, he began some small talk, "How old are the babies?" he asked.  And I burst into "The Ugly Cry"..."They're 13 months and 11 months. I'm their foster mom." I had totally lost it, to the point where I don't even think the poor officer could understand what I was saying.  I couldn't even see what was in my stack of papers and just handed them out of the window for him to go through. "Ma'am, just calm down. You are ok!" he said in a way to try and comfort me. However, at this point, there was no stopping the waterworks, snot and all! I'm surprised that he he didn't arrest me at that point for being criminally insane! Once he saw my registration, it was evident that we had renewed our tag. It had been a glitch in the state computer system. He then proceeded to tell me in a very kind and gentle voice to just slow down and he would let me go.  I tried to tell him thank you, but I don't think he understood what I was trying to say. So, I drove off, very slowly, and cried for about the next hour. Lord have mercy, I was a frickin lunatic that day!

Fast forward two days to Tuesday. It was the girls' first day back to school.  My schedule on Tuesdays is to pick the girls up from school, drop Ballerina girl off at dance class (O picks her up 2 hours later), then home to feed and bathe the rest of the crew. All had gone as smoothly as possible. I had fed Goosey and the twiblings and all three had been bathed.  I had decided to just put the babies in their diapers and let them play in the play yard area while I ate my supper. BIG MISTAKE!

I had eaten about half of my supper when Goosey yells out, "Mommy, Tink has taken off her diaper, and they are playing in the poopy!" So, I throw down my fork and run across the room. Much to my dismay, I see both Tink and Hunk covered in poop from head to toe. Poop is smeared all over the floor and all on the play yard fence.  I look over at Goosey and ask "How am I going to do this?" She responds with a gag and a dry heave! GREAT!

So, I instruct Goosey to just hold onto Hunk's arm so he can't continue to smear the poop all over the toys. "Just hold him right there until I get back!" I pick up Tink and run her up to the bathtub. I spray her down to wash all the poop down the drain, and then proceed to bathe her....again! Fast and furiously, I wash her hair, hands, under her nails, the bottoms of her feet....every inch! I dry her off, diaper her, place her in the walker, and run over to pick up Hunk. By this time, Goosey has poop on her too, so I tell her to hit the showers. I continue the same bathing process with Hunk, and once he is clean, I place him in his walker. Now, onto clean the play yard. What a disaster!!!!

As you can see from the picture above, there are lots of little nooks and crannies on this fence.  There was poop in almost every one on one side of the play yard. After about 30 minutes of cleaning, and babies crying from the whole poo poo trauma, Goosey proceeds to inform me that Tink is stinking really bad! SURELY NOT! So I go over to check her diaper, and when I do, it is empty. So, I smell her hair, her hands, her feet, nothing stunk and then I smell her......wait for it......her breath!!! IT WAS HER BREATH!!!!AAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK! So I pick her up, run upstairs, and proceed to smear her baby toothpaste all over my finger. (I couldn't put her toothbrush in her mouth!). I thoroughly clean her teeth, gums and tongue, and finally the poop smell is gone! Needless to say, the babies will never, EVER go without some form of clothing over their diapers again!

My Life Is A 4 Ring Circus

The feedback that I've gotten from all of my previous posts is that I have been making a lot of people cry. Well, this post is going to give you a little glimpse into my everyday life.  I doubt it will make you cry, but you may laugh with me or at me, or it may actually make you think that I'm a crazy person for doing this. Either way, my hope through this blog is to bring awareness to Foster Children, and maybe inspire others to get involved.

So, I take you back to a weekend in February.  It was going to be an exciting and fun-filled weekend.  Tink's first birthday party was scheduled for Saturday, and Ballerina Girl had dance practice on Saturday & a performance on Sunday and Tink"s birthday party with her family was to be held Sunday evening after the performance. I knew that I was going to have a lot to do, but little did I know....

Lately, as the evening approaches, I become zombie-like and extremely sleepy.  I guess it's from taking care of two babies all day. Anyway, on Friday night around 9pm, as I was half asleep and lethargic on the sofa, Ballerina Girl comes down from her room to tell me that she needs new ballet shoes for her performance on Sunday. Well, that means that I will have to go to  the dance supply store on Saturday, the day of the birthday party, to get her fitted for new shoes.  Ok...I can do this....it is still managable. 

So Saturday morning rolls around, and when I go into the babies' room, I find that Tink has a fever of 102. NOOOOO! This child had NEVER been sick, and she decides to get sick on the day of her first birthday party! Ok, this is still managable.  I will take Ballerina Girl with me to take Tink to the doctor, then go buy new ballet shoes, then drop BG off at dance, then go by Publix to pick up the birthday cake, all while O stays at home with Goosey and Hunk, and cleans the house. (Thank God for my wonderful husband who can multi-task better than any woman I've ever known!)

So, after taking Tink to the doctor, on the weekend, at the weekend clinic that is way across town, it is determined that she had her first ear infection, but we caught it early. So, since she is not contagious, we are able to continue the plans for the birthday party. Phew! I get all of the errands run, including picking up Tink's antibiotic, and I make it home just in time to get everything set up for the party.  I lay Tink down for a nap, and since O and I were busy, we asked Goosey to keep an eye on Hunk....big mistake.  As I'm scurrying around, I hear him spitting.  I look over, and he is eating a pile of dirt that had been swept off the floors.  I go over and scoop it out of his mouth. Now, since he's my first boy, I justify the fact that this is just what boys do. They eat dirt....right? Ok, no worries, moving on.....

The party went off without a hitch, BG's performance was beautiful, and Tink's birthday party with her family was so sweet. Now it's time to start a new week....school, dance lessons, horseback riding lessons, visitations for the babies and trying to keep the house together and in one piece.  I'm already ready for the next weekend.  Maybe, just maybe I can relax????? Well the answer to that question is: NO!

So, I take you now to the first weekend in March.  Again, Saturday is going to be a very busy day.  BG has dance pictures and practice, and we are celebrating my brother's birthday at a local restaurant.  Our new motto has become "Divide and Conquer", so that is what we will do again today. I will get up, wash my hair and get ready, fix BG's hair for her ballet pictures by french braiding across the top of her head and putting the rest of her hair in a bun (I can do it pretty well, but very slowly), then apply her makeup. I will then get the babies put down for a nap, make sure Goosey is ready to go, make sure the bag is packed with plenty of diapers, bottles, baby food and snacks. Then I will wake the babies up and get them dressed, go to Walmart, buy more diapers and go to the party. All of this is happening while O takes BG to her pics and ballet lesson and we will meet at the restaurant. So far, everything had gone off without a hitch. But, little did I know......

We had planned my brother's party at an extremely busy restaurant, but it was scheduled for 1 oclock so that we would miss the lunch rush. Well, we waited for about an hour and a half. It was ok. We all just passed the babies around (including my 1 month old niece), and we ordered some cheese dip for the big kids (my two girls and my 4 year old nephew) while we were standing in the bar area.  Goosey was really hungry, and I think she ended up eating most of the cheese dip by herself (big mistake)!

We eventually ate. The food was great, my brother opened his cards, we all ate some cookie cake and it was time to go home.  So, halfway down 280, in the middle of crazy traffic, Goosey vomits (nasty cheese dip) all over herself and the backseat of the van. And what did I do? I couldn't contain my laughter.  Once I pulled over, opened the trunk of the van, climbed in and saw the explosion, I just started laughing.  Poor Goosey! I had to make sure that she knew that I wasn't laughing at her. But, it was either laugh or cry, so I laughed!

The cheese vomit explosion happened while I was on the phone with my mom, Thank GOD! And thankfully she and my dad weren't far from me.  So they pulled over to help. In the meantime, the sleepy babies were crying, so I pulled out their bottles.  Tink proceeds to take a few sips of her milk and then throws the bottle into the vomit.  So much for that! Also, come to find out later, while all this was going on, Hunk's diaper was leaking.  O and BG went to the store to get some upholstery cleaner and I took the rest of the crew home.

Well, that was the end of that day! Needless to say, there is never a dull moment, and I feel like I take a 4 ring circus with me everywhere we go.  You may think I'm crazy, but I wouldn't change a thing.  I think the hardest part and the easiest part of this is the age difference between my girls and the twiblings.  While my girls are usually wonderful helpers when they are with me, it is hard to run big kid schedules and baby schedules at the same time. Juggling school, dance lessons, and horseriding lessons with naps, feedings, and diaper changes can be a real challenge. It really makes me appreciate the days when my girls were little and we could just stay home. Somehow it all works, though! We make it work. These babies are worth it, and the love that I see my girls pouring out onto these babies is worth it.  We constantly ask our girls if they are still ok with having the babies, giving the fact that they take up a lot of mommy and daddy's time.  They both say that they are so happy to have these babies in our lives, and even though we are all making sacrifices, they wouldn't change a thing either! All this to say.... I love my little circus, and Barnum & Bailey's got nothin' on us!

A New Addition

Well, last week the phone rang again.  This time, DHR said, " We have a 9 month old boy, will you take him?"  OMG...this is the first time weve been called with a boy!!! So, of course, I didn't hesitate to say yes.  The estrogen/testosterone ratio in this house has been way out of balance for a long time now!

I was told that we would be able to pick him up the following morning, because another foster family had agreed to take him overnight until they found a permanent placement for him.  So, the next morning, I dropped Ballerina Girl and Goosey off at school, and Tink and I met O at DHR. The baby was not there yet, so we hung out for a while and Tink charmed everyone with her irresistable personality. 

Finally, the little boy arrived.  You could see in his eyes how frightened he was.  You can't blame him.  We actually found out that we were his 3rd stop in the last 5 days.  Poor little fella.  He didn't know what to think. So, it was time for us to get him and take him home. This time, however, instead of the baby coming to me, he reached out for O. I know that it melted O's heart. 

Immediately, we saw that the baby was very connected to stuffed animals.  He would grab them, pull them close, rub them on his face and squeeze them tight.  A small comfort to him in his ever-changing world.  He also really seemed to connect with Tink.  In the car, or in the stroller he would reach out to grab her hand or her arm.  They also have sweet little babbling conversations with one another and play so well together.  It's like they know that they have a common bond.

Hunk holding on to Tink

So, I guess this is what it is like to have twins. In fact, I call them the "foster twiblings". She is 11 months and he is 9 months.  However, he is about half again as big as she is.  While she is tiny and dainty, he is a hoss! He feels like he weighs a ton more, just ask my back....LOL! I say he's like a Hunk of Love (cause he's very snuggly too).  So unless I come up with something different, for now, I call him "Hunk". 

So, now we've had him for a week and a half.  In that short time, I have him on Tink's eating and sleeping schedule.  The past 3 nights he has slept all night!  I hope he keeps it up! The first week was kind of rough with him waking up at night terrified, but he seems to be getting used to being here now.

The biggest challenge of the whole situation, is that O has been out of town on business all week.  I didn't know how I was going to handle being a "single mom" of 4 kids, but I have survived! He will be home this evening, and I can't wait to see him! On that note, I need to give a huge thanks to my family and friends who have helped me! You are life savers and I love you dearly.  To be a foster parent, you really need to have a strong support system, and we are definitely blessed to have the best support in the world.  I love you all!!!

In case you were wondering, I am definitely a woman who knows my limitations, and having 2 children of my own plus the twiblings is my limit! As long as Tink and Hunk are with us, the inn is full! However, that doesn't stop DHR from calling.  In fact, including Hunk, last week I was called to take in 6 children. This just goes to show the great need for foster parents.

If you would, please keep little Hunk in your prayers.  We don't know how long he will be with us, but we will be giving him lots of love while he is in our care.  Blessings to all who read this! Until next time.......

The Last 6 Months.....

Well, I didn't fall off of the face of the earth, but the blog definitely got pushed to the side.  I've been a little preoccupied since my last post, but I figured that it is time to catch up. So.....hear goes.......

Not long after my last post, we were 7 weeks into our 10 week foster parenting course, and the phone rings.  Hmmmmm....it's DHR calling.  Wonder what they may need? " Hello, I'm calling from DHR. We have a 5 month old baby girl who needs to be placed. Will you consider taking her? If so, I will call you back in an hour and we can make arrangements to bring her to your home."  WOW! We were totally shocked!  We knew that we would be getting children once we finished our course, but had NO IDEA that we could recieve a placement so quickly.  However, we were totally thrilled and couldn't wait to meet her.

We told the social worker that we would be happy to come there to pick up the baby.  So a couple of hours later, we met her.  So tiny, so beautiful, so timid and hesitant as she looked at all of the strange people around her.  As the social worker held her, I touched the baby's hand with my finger, and she held on.  I sat there and talked to her for a minute, being very careful not to take her too quickly, knowing that her recent transition had to have been traumatizing.  Finally, I reached for her and she came right to me, keeping her little Glow-worm doll close.  Very inquisitively staring at me and looking around at O and the girls.  It was time to take her home, and as soon as we placed her in the car, her tears started flowing.  As we drove, we all sang songs to her, and it seemed to soothe and comfort her.  By the time we pulled in the driveway, she was sound asleep.

The first couple of weeks were a big adjustment for all of us.  With our youngest, "Goosey" being 7, it had been a while since there was a baby in the house.  However, we finally got into the groove, and our oldest, "Ballerina Girl" and Goosey were a huge help to mommy and daddy!  My favorite moment was when I was changing a very messy diaper that had leaked all over the place. The girls were standing and watching.  They asked, "Mommy, did you do all of this to take care of us when we were little?" I said,"I sure did!"  At that moment, they both thanked me for all that I had done to take care of them when they were babies.  Talk about a very rewarding moment!!!

As time went on, the baby became more and more a part of our family.  "Tink" became her nickname, mainly because she was so tiny!  She began experiencing so many of her "firsts".  First tooth, first time to crawl, pull up, cruise around the cocktail ottoman.  What an honor to be able to see this baby grow and thrive! She knows she is loved and feels safe.

In October, we received another call from DHR.  This time for a 2 week old baby girl.  Of course, we couldn't say no!  What an eventful time that was... to say the least!!!!  We got her on a Thursday night....the night before I was supposed to chaperone a 5th grade field trip to McWane Center. However, I couldn't back out....I couldn't let my sweet Ballerina Girl down. That night, the baby didn't sleep AT ALL!  So, neither did mommy and daddy. An emergency call was put in to my dad, aka Pooh. He came to help me on the field trip, and thank God he did.  Tink was in the stroller, 2 week old in a baby backpack on my chest, and four 5th grade girls to keep track of in the pit of hell called McWane! I was never so glad for a day to be over! Little 2 week old baby was picked up by a social worker that evening. They had found a family member to take her.  So, I kissed her, and prayed that God would protect her and her little life.  While it was a relief, it was also sad, because I knew I would probably never see her again.  I can only hope that the love we gave her will make a small difference in her life. 

Since October, we have only had Tink. She hears the girls call us Mama and Daddy, so she now refers to us as Mama and Dada. She also says Nana for Ballerina Girl and still hasn't mastered a name for Goosey yet.  She had her first Christmas with us and really loved all of the paper and boxes (forget the presents...haha).  She also took her first steps on January 16th.  Also, since October, we have become very close with Tink's grandparents.  Such sweet people who care very deeply for their family.  We consider it an honor to walk beside them in this journey, all the while making sure that Tink knows and loves her biological family. 

We don't know what the outcome will be or how long Tink will be with us, but no matter the outcome, the journey has changed our lives.  I have people tell me all the time, "I've thought of becoming a foster parent, but I would get too attached.  I could never give them back."  Well, my question is....Do you think it will be easy for us to give a child back? No....no, it will not.  It will be heart-wrenching. Devastating. However, we choose to look at the positives.  Look at the joy that she brings to us every day.  Look at what a difference it will make in her life to have a stable home and people who love and care for her with all their hearts. People who tell her she is loved, not only by our family but loved by God. We have to look at the greater good and not be focused on what we will lose. Also, look at what this is teaching our children.  Love and love selflessly.  Help others. Make wise choices and look at the consequences of those who make bad choices.  This has CHANGED. OUR. LIVES.

I find myself overflowing with love, more than I ever have.  I love my husband more than I ever have. I love my children more than I ever have. I love my family, my friends, more than I ever have.  Isn't that what its all about anyway?  LOVE.

11 years ago, O and I were dealing with infertility issues, and during this time, it was prophesied over us that we would be a father and a mother to many, many children.  Very odd, considering what we were dealing with at the time. Now, I see it!  We have many hopes and dreams. Sure, one of these days we would love to travel, see the world. But, our biggest dream is to sit on our porch one day when we are old and gray, and see our 11 acres filled with children and grandchildren whose lives we have touched.  They will not have been born to us biologically, but they will have been birthed in our hearts. I hope and pray that this dream comes to pass.

For now, we will take each day as it comes. We will make many, many mistakes. We do that EVERY day. We have so many flaws, I can't even begin to count.  I know that we will face heartbreak at times. I just pray that we are strong enough to overcome.  With God, I know we will. 

As I conclude, I want to issue a challenge.  Foster parenting is definitely not for everyone, but everyone has a way in which they are gifted.  I have found that when I have days when I only focus on myself, life is miserable. I challenge everyone who reads this to find a way to reach out and selflessly do something for someone else outside of your family.  No matter how great or how small. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it! It could even be life changing!!!